Surviving the Sleepless Nights

Well friends, we're six months into the adventure of raising two children. Over the past six months, I would argue that Haydn and I have only managed 5-7 wonderful nights of uninterrupted sleep.

With our first born, sleep came easy. Sure, the first three months he didn't sleep, but at three months old we incorporated the "cry it out" method and he started routinely sleeping 12-14 hour nights after. It was AMAZING. Our second child, she hates sleep. I swear, she hates it, it's almost like she simply refuses to even try to sleep. A good night with her means we're only waking up twice in the night. A bad night means we're waking up every 90 minutes. It's BRUTAL.

Despite the challenges, our marriage has stayed rock-solid. Of course there have been times where someone says something they don't mean out of exhaustion, but it's a rarity, not the norm. I would even go so far to say that life is good, really good, despite the countless sleepless nights. None of this could be said during those first three months with our oldest.

So, what's changed? How are we surviving the sleepless nights? I can boil it down to three things: experience, communication, and our village.

If experience has taught us anything, it's that this is just a phase. Albeit a very long phase, but it's a phase. One I know will end. I remember trying to tell myself this one night at 2am with our oldest. I was audibly saying "it's ok Anslee, he won't fight sleep forever, 16 year old boys sleep a lot, you can sleep in then". It sounds silly, but I truly remember feeling like it would be 16 years before I could sleep enough to feel human. Fun fact, it didn't take 16 years. This time around, things are harder. This phase is lasting longer than (in my mind) it should. But that's ok. This is a different baby, with different needs, life is going to be different with her. This will pass, eventually. We will all survive to sleep again one day, and with any luck, it won't take 16 years either.

Communication, communication, communication. As a stay at home mom, Haydn and I have agreed that I wake up with the baby during the week, so he is well rested for work. Sometimes though, it's just too much. On those nights when I'm up with the baby (sometimes even both kids) every couple of hours, I just need to ask for help. Haydn may have to go to work, but I have to work as a Mom all day also. I do my best, but sometimes I need those 3 hours of sleep to be the kind and loving mother our kids need. I've learned (again, with time) to grow up and ask Haydn for help. There's no superhero award for doing it all on my own. If I need help, I need to ask. And here's a shocker, Haydn is always willing to help! He's usually just waiting on me to ask.

If you don't have a village, GET ONE. Our village consist of several families with young children who live close to us. We met them all at church. Having other parents who are walking alongside you in the parenting journey changes EVERYTHING about parenting. Sometimes it's an offer to get together and let our kids play so us parents can rest, sometimes it's an opportunity to cry at small group about how tired you are, then have others join you in agreement. Sometimes it's a solution you never thought of because someone has been there before, and sometimes it's a friend praying over you and with you through the trails. We went through one baby-phase without a strong village, this time around, our village is rock solid. I would not change it for the world, everyone NEEDS a village!

If you need help unpacking how to find a village, or want some practical ways that we manage to stay up at night with the kids (when your eyes just want to close) reach out, I'm happy to help!

Now I'm going to take a nap. Until next time!